Trust is a crucial component of any healthy relationship. When trust is present, we feel safe, secure, and valued by our partner. But what happens when that trust is broken?
It can be difficult to distinguish between feelings of suspicion and lost trust, but understanding the difference is essential to moving forward. Especially when betrayal is ongoing, the betrayer refuses to understand the impact it causes on the relationship, and many times will accuse the betrayed person as being suspicious or insecure vs understanding trust has been lost. That is harmful behavior in any relationship, whether it's at work, between parents and children, or in more serious ongoing situations like betrayal trauma and addiction.
Lost trust is the result of a breach in a relationship, typically caused by a significant event or series of events. Examples of breaches that can lead to lost trust include all forms of infidelity, such as physical or emotional affairs, pornography use, objectification/lusting, and flirting. It also includes lying about anything, no matter how big or small, omission, withholding love/support/intimacy, lack of transparency, vulnerability, connection, and lack of following through on commitments, promises, and more.
When trust is lost, it can be challenging to rebuild because the person who was betrayed feels that their safety and well-being have been compromised. The loss of trust can create feelings of anger, resentment, hurt, loss, fear, and confusion. It will take time to heal and rebuild the relationship. It's important to note that trust and rebuilding trust is a daily process, requiring constant communication, care, and awareness. However, when done consistently and intentionally, the process can make the relationship better than ever before once learned how to do it properly and maintained.
What is Suspicion?
Suspicion is a feeling of mistrust or doubt that arises when we suspect someone of possible wrongdoing. It can be a normal response to lost trust, as the person who has been betrayed, lied to, and manipulated may feel that they can no longer trust their partner, especially if trustworthy behaviors are not present, and rightfully so. Suspicion generally manifests before the betrayal is confirmed and can show up in various ways, including questioning the other person's actions, motives, and intentions, and monitoring their behavior closely.
The Difference Between Lost Trust and Suspicion
The primary distinction between lost trust vs suspicion in relationships lies in the source of these emotions. Lost trust results from specific events, often tied to a direct breach in the relationship. In contrast, suspicion is a more general feeling of mistrust or doubt, influenced by various factors like past experiences and the broader context. Unlike lost trust, suspicion doesn't necessarily stem from a particular incident but instead encompasses a broader sense of uncertainty in interpersonal dynamics.
Intensity of Feelings and Data
Lost trust brings intense and enduring feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal due to actual actions that occurred. Suspicion, however, can be a more fleeting feeling depending on the situation. Managing suspicion involves communication, gaining clarity, and immediate support, creating safety without reaching the extent of lost trust. If left unaddressed, suspicion can escalate into lost trust, requiring consistent effort and actions to heal and rebuild the relationship. This ongoing process demands care, presence, willingness, and humility, with trust growing as consistent behaviors are maintained.
Rebuilding Trust After a Breach
Rebuilding trust demands time and effort. The one who betrayed must take responsibility, express genuine remorse, and consistently work to repair the damage. Regular efforts, willingness, and patience are crucial, respecting the needs of the betrayed person. Communication becomes key, with the hurt individual expressing needs, triggers, and fears clearly, allowing the opportunity for the one who caused the injury to rebuild trust.
In situations of lost trust and suspicion, the feelings stem from different circumstances. Suspicion can arise without proof before betrayal is confirmed. Conversely, the loss of trust results from behaviors that have harmed the betrayed, making it the betrayer's responsibility to own the impact and take appropriate actions for rebuilding. When a betrayed partner feels unsafe, it is not mere suspicion but a justified feeling of unsafety, as their once secure world is no longer so.
As suspicion and lost trust disrupt the foundations, rebuilding calls for continuous care, presence, and humility. This insight navigates the transformation of lost trust, leading to a journey of renewed connection and purpose. By Guacy Barnes
Remember that healing is possible, and you deserve to feel supported and empowered on your journey. Head to my "Brand New" Facebook Private Community Trauma To Triumph Betrayal Trauma Group
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Remember that healing is possible, and you deserve to feel supported and empowered on your journey. Head to my "Brand New" Facebook Private Community Trauma To Triumph Betrayal Trauma Group
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